it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
