I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
