please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
