3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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