I could make wine with my vomit
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
