I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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