btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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