Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
