There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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