I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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