How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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