I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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