Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize