Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What drink are we having for lunch?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
