..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
