ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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