but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
