4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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