Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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