Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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