I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
