legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
