Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
