It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
