Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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