I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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