whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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