remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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