: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
