It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
