we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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