It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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