but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
