i need an iv and a liver transplant
now i know why i became what i already was.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my shit smells like andre
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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