help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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