i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
