She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
