laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
