At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
