just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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