I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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