my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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