i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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