Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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