You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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