im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
