I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
