Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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