Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
