everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
