So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
