then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She even gives head with a lisp.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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