you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
