I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
