His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my shit smells like andre
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
