at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
