I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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