yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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