best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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