You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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