She announced her abortion via fbk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
