Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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