every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
