I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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